How It’s New York:  Rachel still dreams of starring on Broadway…
How It’s Irish:  Potato jokes, I suppose, and more of Rory.

I’ve been late with the Damian report, so thought I’d better hurry these two before tonight’s episode of Glee airs.  Since his first episode, he’s been in the background– could it be those acting lessons haven’t kicked in fast enough?  Or the lack of actual acting in The Glee Project has come home?  He’s still nice to look at in any case.

In the big episode with the Gleeks doing their West Side Story, “The First Time,” Rory was nearly absent, but his one appearance was hilarious.  He was in the chorus for “America,” his line was “you came with your mouth open,” only it came out “you ca wi you mo o en,” because our boy has no consonants.

Coach Beeste says “we have to work on this kid’s diction.” Emma worries about having the Jets in the song “America,” but Artie insisted.

There was more of Rory in “Mash Off,” so here’s a fuller recap!  There’s a lot of Rory not getting American teenage things, like insult as sport, and dodge ball.  Do they not play dodge ball in Ireland?  Ever?

In addition to the recap below, there’s the ongoing Puck trying to get with Shelby thread, and Quinn caught out trying to pose as a friend to Shelby while sabotaging her.

We got a glimpse of Damian clapping after Puck sings “I’m hot for teacher.”

Finn wants to give Rory the solo in a Hall and Oates song. Rory doesn’t think he’s ready but Blaine says “you’re totally ready Rory.”  Aw.  Rory’s humble.

Rory walks along with Finn, saying when that girl with the lips says you look like a whale I wante to tell her you look fine.  Finn tells him it’s just trash talk.
“Trash talk—is that when you talk about trash?” Rory asks.
Finn has to explain that it’s when one player insults another to get them off the game.

So Santana walks by and they try to insult her.  But Rory’s not very good at it.

“You’re skinny like the crops field on your family’s farm!” he says.  Hee.
“That is the lamest thing I didn’t unerstand a word of,” Santana sniffs.
“Not one word,” says Brittany.
This all leads up to an after school Dodge Ball match as a way of settling their differences.  Do today’s teenagers even know how to play Dodge Ball?  We used to play it in grade school, before it was illegal.  Then again, they used to have peanut butter at school, and I used to go home for lunch, so clearly I am a dinosaur.  I think Ryan Murphy is showing his age here too.

“I’ve never heard of this game of dodging balls before, what’s the rules?” he asks
Don’t die, he’s told.  Which is the refrain of a new song by Lisa Hannigan.

And after school it’s a mash up of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot” an “Don’t Die.” But they all have balls? OK this is not how I learned to play dodge ball.
“That was a cracker!” Rory says and the opposing girls all wail on him with their balls. Kurt says “stop it he’s bleeding.” Santana’s disgusted.

In what alternate universe is the cute kid with the cute accent not the most popular boy in school?  Especially if he, like Rory, is almost freakishly tall?

In the next scene, Mercedes nominates herself the leader of the Trouble Tones and wants Santana to stop focusing on hating on the guys. This leads to Santana grumpily apologizing.  Only her way of apologizing is insult.

I think when you apologize you’re not actually supposed to make someone feel worse.

As she approaches Finn and Rory, Rory steps up.  “Listen here, you can’t make fun of Finn anymore,” he says.”
“Shut your potato hole, I’m here to apologize,” she says.  Irish, potato, I guess that’s supposed to be cutting and funny, but it’s kind of random.  She continues with her apology by insult to Finn..
“At some point I must have liked that you looked like a taco who’s had one too many back alley liposuctions.”

“Whoa,” Rory begins.
“Please stick a sock in it or ship yourself back to Scotland,” she says.  And that is kind of funny, maybe even a little too smart for Santana, who wouldn’t actually know the Northern Irish accent sounds kind of like a Scottish one.  Anyway, after admitting that she must have once not hated the way Finn looks because she slept with him she continues saying “Sorry.”  But her “Sorry” sounds a lot like F U.  (Another great song is “Sorry” by Scottish singer Karine Polwart, which basically says “Sorry” just doesn’t cut it.)

“Sorry that the new directions are going to get crushed by the Trouble Tones.

Sorry that you have no talent

Sorry that you sing like you’re getting your  prostate checked

And dance like you’ve been asleep for years and someone just woke you up…”

And it gets worse.

But he counters as she walks away with “hey Santana, why don’t you just come out of the closet?”
Now some people have been pretty upset with him for outing her in the hall.  But to me it looked as though he was saying it fairly quietly and he was severely provoked.
“I think I know why you’re so good at tearing everyboy else down. It’s because you’re constantly tearing yourself down because you can’t admit to everybody that you’re in love with Brittany and she might not love you back.
You know what I think you are? A coward.”

This all comes back during the big Trouble Tones/New Direction Mash Up war.   Rory’s real cute singing “You Make My dreams Come Through.” It’s a mashup with “I Can’t Go for That.”

In the presidential campaign speeches, Brittany offers to take her top off. Kurt talks about the history of Dodge Ball, and asks that the school ban it.  He was clearly affected by Rory’s bleeding.

And Rachel asks everyone to vote for Kurt, as the only candidate who never went negative. Because he’s the only one who deserves to be president.  And at her locker, Kurt and Rachel make up.

Santana is called in to Sue’s office, where Mr. Hummel is there too, and Mr. Shue, because someone overheard the conversation with Finn and now there’s an anti-Sue campaign ad announcing that Sue promoted a lesbian as head cheerleader, implying that Sue is one too.

Reggie “the sauce” Salazar sent Mr. Hummel a copy of his next campaign ad.

It seems clear that Mr. Hummel doesn’t accept the ad, but it’s a little confusing. Santana cries and says she hasn’t even told her parents yet.

Back to the Mash Up (the show seems to have mashed time sequences too).  I have to admit the Trouble Tones rock their Adele mash up of “Rumor Has it” and “Someone Like you,” and Santana looks gorgeous in her black dress.

Finn is sitting with Rachel, whispering in her ear and chuckling.
And Santana leaps off the stage to slap Finn, whom she blames for telling everyone about her.

What did you think?  Will Rory continue to support Finn?  Does he think Finn outed santana on purpose?

Gwen Orel
About the Author

The only New York journalist who writes for both the Forward and Irish Music Magazine.